Today I celebrate the birthday, of the woman who brought me into the world. The woman who taught me everything I know about love. And the woman who I most want to grow up to be like. My mom.
If my mom was alive today, she would be turning 60 years old. I can’t help but try to imagine who she would be at 60 years old. Would she be retired? Would we be having a big family birthday party for her? Would she have been with me last night when I took her grandbaby on her first trip around our neighborhood trick-or-treating? Would she laugh at the millions of pictures I took, or would she have been the one joyfully photo documenting every moment? These things are all mysteries to me. As are the bigger questions. What advice would she give me as I learn how to be a mom myself? What words of wisdom would she offer me about my daughters toddler years that are coming so fast now – that I hardly can believe it? Is my daughter like me?
Although I mostly try to focus on all the wonderful things my mom taught me while she was on this earth, it is still so very tempting to think of all the things I had yet to ask her. Deep things. But also silly things like recipes, or how she most likes my hair – bangs? No bangs? I want her back every day. But most especially I want her back today, on her birthday. I wish I could throw a gigantic party for her- celebrating all things she accomplished. All the people she touched. I wish I could tell her I understand even more now, what she went through as a mom. That as a kid I didn’t understand how scary and momentous and wonderful it is to take care of a little human being. I want to tell her thank you for all the sleepless nights she spent with me. All the diapers, all the kissing my baby tears away.
And even though I have only been a mom myself for a short time, I want to tell her I understand the love now. The unconditional love she always told me I had from her. I have it for my own daughter now. And through experiencing that, I understand more fully who she was. At 16, that was something I couldn’t wrap my head around. And I hope that my message can be carried to wherever she is in heaven this November 1st. Shannon gets it now. She knows the love between a mom and a daughter can never end.It’s supernaturally strong. It goes beyond death. Death is nothing compared with that love.
My mom may not physically be with me today – but I am not motherless. And I celebrate an amazing woman. A woman that brightened this earth for the first time 60 years ago today. I pray that that I learn from her example. That I never forget the kindness in her voice. That I always strive to be the person she believed me to be. And I pray that someday I can make her real for my daughter, through laughter and memories.
Happy Birthday mom. I love you. I love you always.
Nikki says
Shan that is so beautiful, I'm teary now! All the years I've known you I never doubt that you would be and have become such a wonderful and loving mom:) Your mom sounds like an amazing woman, who I know must be so proud of you! While you may not be able to ask her these questions, she is always with you (which I'm sure you know and feel). I know there are things that you do that maybe you wonder "hm, where does that come from?" Like in the specific way you cut up food or the way you might curl your hair with ur finger a certain way, (I do that so unconsciously!) and I know you do certain things that just come naturally, and without thought, and I truly think, while your mom is in your heart and your thoughts, she is also in the little things that you do! You're such a heartfelt amazing friend and great listener, and I love you and miss you so much!!! girlfriend we need a darn phone date with some merlot on the side:)
Veronica says
Wow, that was beautiful. I have only recently gotten a chance to "meet" you but what I know is your a wonderful mother and I know that your Mom would be so proud of you if she were in fact here today. I'm sorry for your loss.
What a wonderful way to celebrate her birthday!
She may be physically gone from this earth, but she will always be with you in spirit and like you said, your daughter will know her, through your memories!
Danielle says
Aunt Pat would, and is proud of you. She loves the pics and the photodocumenting and she most of all loves that you adore your husband and daughter with your whole heart, something she taught you and would be amazingly proud of.
Maybe next year you should come trick or treat up here!:)
D
Wendy says
Shannon, what a beautiful tribute to your mother. Such joy to know that you have a reunion with her to look forward to!
Tori says
I'm so sorry your Mom is not here. It breaks my heart when birthdays come around and loved ones have passed.
It helps to write about it and shed some tears. You've got a new friend that you can share those same sorrows with.
I've got some awards for you:)
SweetPea --The Inner Workings of the "Rice" Mind says
Shannon, I truly wish I could jump through all these wires and miles and give you one gigantic hug! I honestly had to wipe tears from my eyes as I read this beautiful tribute to your mom!
You are a mirrored reflection of your mom as far as I can tell, and for one to know how truly amazing a woman your mom was during her precious time here, one need only look at you and all that you have become!
I'm sure your mom is aware of how much you appreciate her, even today, and I guarantee she's looking down at you, your life and your family with the biggest of smiles saying "that's my beautiful girl!"
Many hugs to you Shannon…you are truly a beautiful woman, both inside and out!
Mitzi
Laura says
Shannon, I love you so much. What a beautiful tribute to your Mom! If I could do something to bring her back for you, I really truly would.
You are a living testament of how wonderful a person your Mom was. You are carrying her forth every day by being the beautiful person that you are. She lives through you, she sees through you, she loves through you. She knows you love her and she is watching over you and Michael and Molly. She knows you're a spectacular mother and she knows that you learned so much of that from her.
I know that I am personally grateful for your Mom because she gave all of us you. And the world is certainly brighter because she was in it and even more so now because you and Molly are in it.
Love you so much! And Happy Belated Birthday to your Mom!
lifeissweet16 says
Beautiful post, Shannon. And I have to say, I cannot even imagine your mom being 60. She will always be so young in my mind. She was a wonderful woman.
Michael says
Your Mom knows how you feel and see's the wonderful mother you have become yourself… and is proud.
*hugs* ~Michael
Tammy says
Stopping by from SITS…I stumbled across this one…and can totally relate. Although I still have my mom, I lost my father not too long ago.. and what may be even a bit stranger, is that we share the same bday..so let me tell you that day is even a bit more difficult to say the least!
Great blog!!