Another 104 degree day in Texas. Perfect day to hit the preschool splash pad I thought, and loaded up a beach bag and grabbed a coffee for the ride…
When we got to the pool I took out some bath toys I’d thrown in as a surprise for my 3- almost 4 year old. She was delighted and headed out under the spray with a grin. I followed along behind and took turns being the voice of the toy mermaid. After a little bit my daughter looked around at the other kids playing and said “Mommy I can make new friends here!”
I loved the innocence of it. And I loved her confidence. But when I surveyed the splash pad I realized that all the children around us had siblings or friends they were already playing with. When my daughter headed towards a 6 or 7 year old girl who was throwing a ball around with her brother my heart sank. Actually -correction. My heart didn’t sink so much as actually started to race. I worried my plucky preschooler was about to get shot down. She’d picked the oldest girl at the pool, who surely was not going to want to play with a 3 year old.
My high school years flashed before my eyes. I realized my heart was racing because I’m a shy person and going up to a group of people I don’t know is a really uncomfortable feeling for me at best. Secondly, who didn’t get caught in the crossfire of cliques and best friends in school? And in that moment- as my daughter crossed the pool…I realized. She’s in for it too, huh? No matter how much I protect her, no matter what school I send her to, no matter how sweet her friends are – they are all going to hurt each other sometimes. Someone will get left out. Someone will feel like the unpopular one, someone will want to be friends with someone that doesn’t want to be friends back. And it will cause her pain.
The last thought causes me to wonder briefly if sticking her back in my womb is at all feasible. Probably not. Damn.
I overhear my plucky, beautiful, self assured baby say “Hi my name is pumpkin. Want to play?” I can’t hear the girls answer. But I see pumpkin laughing. And then, inexplicably… she is catching a ball. Then she and the little girl are holding hands as they walk around the splash pad. For the next hour they don’t leave each others side. I move around the outside of the pool not wanting to intrude but wanting to be sure she is always in my view. I say a silent prayer of thanks and sigh in relief. I see the girl bring her over to her parents and introduce pumpkin to them and her grandmother. Next I see pumpkin leading the girl to me.
“This is my mom! I’m sorry I didn’t bring my dad today…or my grandma. But maybe I will next time! But I have my mom right here. She is here to protect me.”
The little girl says a sweet hello to me and they are off again. I laugh at my daughters introduction.
“She is here to protect me.”
That’s right kiddo. As long as I possibly can.
PS. Parents of school age kids, I’m really in for it if I can’t handle an outing to the pool without worrying about this stuff, huh? 🙂
About Shannon SchmidShannon traded in her sensible NYC TV producer shoes (they were best for taking the subway), for a pair of Texas Cowboy boots when she married her best friend! He's at fault for making this Yankee a Texan! Shannon writes about all things that make a house a home. Her chief blogging inspiration is being the proud & slightly neurotic mom of a preschool age daughter.
You can find Shannon on Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram and her new favorite place to hang out, Google+.
Awwww, I think its so awesome of her to make friends so fast and to have the courage to go up to the other girl:) I don’t have my own experience with kids having this issue obviously but I think every parent has to go through a time where they have to let their baby strike out in order for them to learn. I think the way you handled it was perfect! I remember when my little cousin was going through a time at the private school she was going to. There were a few cliquey girls there and they wanted her to give them her candy (or it was something like that that they were playing a game with in class) in order to be their friend. Not knowing what to do, she gave it to them, and of course, the girls afterwards still wouldn’t talk to her. My aunt had to speak with the teacher and the principal and their answer was that they have to work it out themselves and that some girls just have more drive than others. Afterwards my aunt found out that the parents of those girls gave large donations to the school, and thats probably why the teacher wouldn’t step in. I think my cuz learned alot from that situation and is now very friendly to other kids, especially those kids who might be left out in situations and who are different (different race/ethnicity/background etc). Anyways, so point is, I think every child has lessons to learn and you just have to be there for them as they go through what they have to (I’m sure that is harder than it sounds:)) I think you are such an awesome Mom and it is so adorable that pumpkin said you were there to protect her:) She is the smartest little girl to know that!
My 4 year old is super social – she tends to go for the oldest one in the pool too.
Last time it was at a family function, and I could feel my heart break a bit as my cousin’s kids ignored her attempts to play mermaid with them (they are 6 and 9). We want so much to protect our babies – but we have to let them go.
I think this is one of the hardest things to face as a parent of a little girl! What I have found so far is to smile, hug them and let them know you love them no matter what! And if their heart breaks stay strong, smile and let them know everything will be ok & that there’s nothing wrong with them, but the person that gives them a hard time or rejects them. That they are good and wonderful. And then find a good friend with a kid the same age and go drink wine…often! 🙂
Being rejected is a life lesson & a hard one at that. But a good one to learn that if you love yourself it hurts less & is easier to surround yourself around people who are nice.
My daughter starts kindergarten this year and I am so worried about the bullying that goes on nowadays. I can only hope to teach her that those who are nice to everyone are the ones who are the happiest.
I have all boys and this issue is not gender specific. Boys deal with the same things.
One of my twins is super social and the other twin is more of an observer. It breaks my heart when he is left out and I always remind his twin brother to be a good friend to his siblings as well as new ‘friends’ he makes.
My husband constantly reminds me that I am worse than a helicopter mom. He says I am a chinook. I just want to protect my children from EVERYTHING.
I know what I am setting myself up for, but putting them all back in my womb sounds like the best solution! 🙁
My middle child (3) is super social and can make friends anywhere. My oldest (11) is more like I was though, shy and self-conscious. I feel like I push her harder because she is so much like me and I don’t want her to miss out on things just because she is so shy.
At the end of the day all we can do is be there for them and teach them how to cope with the tough stuff. Your daughter sounds like she going to do just fine!
I do love how she introduced you as her protector, such a smart girl! 😉
I love this story – it made me tear up a little when I read that she introduced you as her protector 🙂
How wonderful that you are raising such a self-assured, sweet, and social little girl!
You know that I don’t have kids so I can only imagine how hard that must be to watch her go off to play with other kids and hope for the best! The closest I can get to relate is following my 12 year old niece’s facebook page. I will read some of the things that the kids write back and forth to each other. Most of the time, to my relief and delight, she is writing nice things like “I love you” and “You’re my sister” to her girlfriends….but then there’s the occasion where I’ll see something that she wrote and cringe a bit or, worse, when I see something someone wrote to her and will have to resist the urge to look up everything I can on the kid and call his/her parents. LOL. It’s hard to leave it to her to learn and to not want to step in after every single objectionable post(Although I have been known to send a text message or email or 10 if I think the situation is warranted – only to her – not to her offending friend 🙂
If it’s that difficult for me to monitor my niece’s online presence I can only imagine how hard it would be to watch my own child in the real world in real time. Know that you are a fantastic mom and your little pumpkin knows that – I imagine that your presence there helps feed her confidence to go and play freely with other kids and to attempt to make new friends. I’m sure she knows that, as her protector, if something doesn’t work out, she always has a safe and soft place to land….no matter what. What a gift you both are to each other 🙂 Love you!