I’ve noticed that since becoming a mom, I do some strange things that I don’t think I ever did pre-motherhood. In fact – I KNOW I didn’t do them. But I’m sure I’m not the only one with a few mommy eccentricities, right?
So I’ve decided to confess a few of them, right now.
Then – if you catch me doing one of these things in the near future, I’ll be a bit less embarrassed. And I can be like – “listen, I told you I do that.” And then – I’ll give you you a blank stare until it becomes really uncomfortable for you to continue the conversation.
So – be forewarned 😉
1. I sometimes wear my Bathrobe when I drive my daughter to school. I do this for a very practical reason. Because I want to.
School starts early. I’m tired. I’m so exhausted playing the “what do you want to wear today” game with a 6 year old, that I focus mainly on clothing her at the crack of dawn. And then I come home, and get dressed. Maybe. Unless I’m working from home, and then I’m probably staying in the bathrobe for a while.
I’ll be honest though. I do worry that one day I’ll get a flat tire, or have some reason I must actually exit the vehicle during school drop off. And then, things are going to get pretty awkward. Apologies in advance.
2. I suffer from Phantom Kid Syndrome. Basically I’m with a child much of the time. That has been true over the course of so many years now, that when I’m not with a child, my mind doesn’t really grasp the reality of that situation.
So for instance – if I’ve dropped said child off somewhere, I am very likely to continue to talking to the non-existent child… the whole way home. I will point out cows I see. I will let them know that the nearby park looks like it’s been re-furbished. This will probably continue until I ask them a question. Child won’t respond, because of course – they aren’t in the car!! First, I’ll have a small heart attack- as I freak out and try to figure out where they are. Then I’ll realize I’ve been talking to an empty car seat for 10 minutes. If you happen to be the car next to me while I’m doing this – please pretend to ignore me.
3. Sometimes I forget adult programing exists. Daughter goes out with dad, or is taking a bath. I’m watching TV. What am I watching? Probably “Jake and the Never Land Pirates.” Maybe “Odd Squad.” But it will probably take another person walking in the room, looking at me strangely, before I realize I’ve been engrossed in a children’s show for the last hour.
4. I bounce a fictitious baby on my hip. My daughter hasn’t been a baby or toddler in years. However I will automatically start bouncing and rocking if I hear so much as a baby cry at Target. I will also gently rock my grocery store cart back and forth while I wait in line. I do this to soothe the baby that is NOT inside it. Just pretend it’s not weird, ok? I have no control over this action!
5. I microwave the same cup of coffee a million times each day. Yet every time I ever go to take a sip – it’s ice cold. Other people drink hot coffee? How are you all managing to do this? I need some tips. My daughter is 6, and I had my last hot cup of coffee about 5 1/2 years ago. As I recall – it was delicious.
I admit I do some strange things. Yes, you may see me driving my daughter to school in my bathrobe while drinking cold coffee, only to realize she’s already out of the car and I’m still talking to her, or trying to bounce her on my hip – while I watch PBS Kids re-runs for no apparent reason. I’m human people!
So, if you see me doing any of these things – Just. Keep. Walking.